Frank, Uber, and the Female Anatomy

Frank is a 29-year-old male, whom I met him behind APU’s on-campus apartments with my friend, Tara, at around 8 or 9 p.m.

“That Uber girl was totally hitting on me.”

In his mildly drunken stupor, the man crossed the street from the car that just pulled away to join Tara and I on the sidewalk. He seemed harmless enough.

“Yeah, I’m totally on the hunt now for some beautiful women now that my ex of eight years and I are over. I fucking moved all the way out to Long Beach to live with her, but man, she was terrible.” His broad shoulders atop his small torso swayed back and forth – subtle, yet noticeable. “You APU girls or what?”

We cautiously nodded.

“N-n-n-no, no, you ladies don’t have to worry about me flirting with you. Y’all are too young for me anyhow. Fun fact for you two: my parents did meet at your university back in the day. Still happily married! They’re actually why I got dropped off here… They live in Glendora, you see.”

At this point, Frank had introduced himself, sat his intoxicated self down on the grass besides us, and was bumming the last few hits off my white grape swisher before it burned out.

“Alright, girls. If there’s anything for you to take away from this conversation with me, it’s this…” His eyes drooped in apparent sleepiness, yet his shoulders shook in laughter as he said it: “Boys will be boys.”

I implored him to explain.

“Whoa, slow down there, Chiquita! Boys will be boys. You gotta give us slack for when we want to fuck around. Granted, I know that it is incredibly difficult to be a woman. I mean, you have the capabilities of creating life inside of you, which makes you have… uh, you know… bleeding for a week every month. Like, damn, I couldn’t do it. You women are fucking warriors.”

He continued in discussing the hardships of womanhood for about ten minutes too long.

“Well, Frank, you really are a fascinating human who knows so much about the anatomy and psychology of women. You’re a star, man, you really are.” I maintained my straight face and explained that we needed to go meet my boyfriend.

“Aw, man! You’ve got boyfriends? Shit, man, good thing I really didn’t hit on you! You probably would’ve left his skinny white ass for mine, eh? That’s all right, I’m about to meet a girl who’s gonna smoke me out, so it’s cool.”

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